Interview With The Former Vampire
by irismay42
Summary: Gordon Walker: On A Mission From God. Oneshot. Complete. Spoilers: Up to 4.13.


**Title:** Interview With The (Former) Vampire  
**Genre:** Gen  
**Characters:** Gordon Walker  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Words:** 1,900**  
Spoilers: **Up to 4.13  
**Summary:** Gordon Walker: On A Mission From God  
**Disclaimer:** That's right folks: I own absolutely nothing. But my day will come. Just you wait, Mr. Kripke!  
**A/N:** So this is the result of my noodling around trying to see if I could write Gordon first person. Absolutely no calorific value. You will probably learn little or nothing from reading this. (Maybe that should be the disclaimer...!)

**INTERVIEW WITH THE (FORMER) VAMPIRE**

**By Irismay42**

So I never expected to wind up here after I took a bite out of Dean Winchester and his brother cut off my head with razor wire.

Life's full of surprises. Or death. Whatever.

Lucky some people Up Here have the same opinion of little Sammy Winchester as I do. Otherwise why the hell would I be here instead of Down There where I probably belong? I'm a monster after all. Or I was. Maybe I still am. I sure as hell don't know anymore.

But hey. Gift horse. Mouth. At least someone up here agrees with me that Sam Winchester must die.

Like this Uriel guy. Tells me he's an angel. Yeah and I'm Bing Crosby. (Which I'm not. Obviously. 'Cause I saw Bing Crosby yesterday. You get irony right? 'Cause they sure don't so much up here.) Still. Uriel. He's kind of a big shot around these parts. Struts around like he owns the place. Except when he's with that buddy of his. I say "buddy." I don't guess anyone's ever best buds with an angel. Especially with Castiel. Scares the living crap outta me, and I ain't scared of much, lemme tellya. Jeez. And they say _I'm_ intense. I was never a patch on this guy—angel—whatever. _Intense_ doesn't even begin to describe him. Looks at you like he wants to get right inside your head and have an up close and personal with your neurons.

Maybe they all felt sorry for me or somethin'. The angels. Their Boss. Y'know, vampire hunter gets turned into vampire. Now _that's_ irony for you. Yeah, I bet someone got a real kick outta that one. Down There. Bet they're laughing their scaly butts off right now.

Uriel doesn't think it's funny though. But then Uriel doesn't think _anything'_sfunny. Talk about sense of humor-ectomy! The guy's got his harp shoved so far up his ass he must vibrate when he brushes his teeth.

Still, hey. What ya gonna do, right? Life deals you a crappy hand, then Death does the same damn thing. But the Afterlife? Well that's something else entirely. Think maybe I finally caught a break on that one.

Y'see, somehow, someone decided maybe I didn't deserve to get thrown into the Pit for all Eternity. Don't know why, don't know who, don't know how. Castiel tells me God's merciful and forgiving and He works in mysterious ways. And yeah, Kubrick loved that one. Me turning up here, telling him I'd been forgiven by his merciful Lord. Wow, was that ever awkward. "Hey dude, fancy meeting you here, sorry I ripped out your guts and everything, but you were right all along: Jesus _is_ one helluva stand up guy…"

Of course, I been here, what, a year? And I never met the Big Guy or His Kid. Just Uriel. Says he's God's "representative." He's got "work" for me. Heh heh heh… Gordon Walker: On a mission from God. If my friends could see me now… Oh wait, I didn't have any friends.

Anyway, I guess it's like paying some kind of penance. I do a little job for God's henchman, I don't get sent to the Fiery Furnace. It all works out.

And it's not hard, keeping an eye on the Winchester boys. 'Cept maybe when Dean got thrown to the Hellhounds. Can't see the Pit from up here so I don't know what the Hell—no pun intended—happened to him when he got invited to Lilith's tea party. The state he came back in, nothing good I figure.

I guess I feel kinda bad about that. _I_ was the monster after all. Not Dean Winchester. _I _shoulda been the one to go to Hell, not him.

Maybe it's the free will thing. I didn't get a choice. Didn't ask to get vamped. So even though I killed a coupla folks while I was a monster, the Big Guy decided to forgive me. Turned a blind eye and let me through those pearly gates while Dean Winchester sells his soul to save his brother's life and gets to spend forty years in the Pit for his trouble. Free will. It's a bitch, ain't it?

I kinda liked the kid too. Y'know. Before I figured out his brother was the Antichrist and tried to blow his ass to pieces. In another life, me 'n Dean Winchester coulda been friends. And hey, you can't choose your family, right? It's not his fault he's Sam Winchester's brother.

Still, there are worse penances. Keeping an eye on the Winchesters for my big pal Uriel? Not so bad. At least I got to gloat when that nice little butter-wouldn't-melt-in-his-mouth Sammy Winchester started sleeping with demons and exorcising them with his mind.

Hah. There's nothing like "I told you so" to make your death seem meaningful.

Better than the shake their mom and dad got too. At least I bit the Big One trying to _stop_ the future Destroyer of Worlds.

Oh yeah, you think bumping into Kubrick up here was awkward? Lemme tellya, it was a stroll in the park compared to the first time I found myself face to face with John and Mary Winchester. Don't matter their boy's the Antichrist, they still gotta gimme crap for tryin' to blow him to bits.

Still, they paid their dues to get here, so I guess they deserve a little free speech.

The way John tells it, he got here not so long after Mary. Fought his way out of the Pit with his bare hands.

Of course, his boys helped a little, opening that Devil's Gate in Wyoming and all.

But that's the Winchesters for you. Always stick together. Always got each other's backs. Even when one of them's in Hell and another's the Antichrist.

Dean shoulda let his brother die in the mud.

Still. Forty years in the Pit? I guess that's nothin' compared to his dad's sentence. More like a hundred years for him. And believe me, that guy's one tough sonofabitch, but even he didn't last out as long as his kid did. Way he tells it, he begged to be taken down off the rack within a couple of decades. How else d'you think he managed to make it up to the Devil's Gate with Azazel's army? He's pretty damn ashamed about it. Marine and all. Can see it in his eyes when he talks about it. But when he told me his boy lasted out thirty years? I never seen a guy so proud of his kid.

As for Mary? With her, I guess it's free will versus ignorance. John knew what he was doing when he sold his soul to Azazel to save Dean. Dean knew what he was doing when he sold his soul to Lilith to save Sam. Mary? Didn't really have a clue what the hell was goin' on when she sold her kid's soul to Azazel to save John. But she still had to make the cosmic balance sheet add up. Had to stay in limbo, trapped in their old house in Lawrence, had to miss watching her boys grow up, until she redeemed herself.

And how d'you suppose she did that? Yeah, typical Winchester self-sacrifice. The Big Guy didn't let her in here till she sacrificed herself for her boys the way she sacrificed them for their dad all those years ago.

She's a real firecracker, Mary Winchester. I can totally see where Dean gets it from. You think getting into Heaven's a first class ticket to Paradise? Not when you're John Winchester it's not. You'd think after twenty-something years apart she'd be happy to see him. Well yeah, I guess she _was_ happy to see him. For, like, five minutes. Then the bitchface kicked in. He wound up with the cold shoulder and the Heavenly equivalent of a coupla nights sleeping on the couch.

Never wanted her kids growing up in The Life. Never wanted them to know that monsters were real.

Yeah Dean, don't look too hard at your brother 'cause you might get a shock there, kiddo.

Monsters are real all right.

But Mary never wanted Dean selling his soul to a demon or Sam turning out to be the Antichrist. Although, y'know _technically_, that last one was her fault.

"You told Dean he might have to _kill_ Sammy?"

Oh yeah. She was pissed about that too. See it's not just Dean. It's the whole freakin' family. It's always about Sammy. Look out for Sammy. Protect Sammy. Bow down at little Sammy's feet…

They'll be bowing soon enough. We all will.

They're all too damn blind to see what he really is.

That's why Uriel chose me for this gig, and not them. Impartial. Yeah that's me. Impartial Gordon Walker, former vampire, former monster, protector of Heaven and Earth. Stand back and watch me avert the Apocalypse.

But, damn, I already tried that while I was alive, and look what happened? Head cut off with razor wire!

John was _right_ to tell Dean to kill his brother.

I hope Dean makes it up here when it's all over and the fat lady's singing. Like I said, you can't choose your family. And he's already lost everything he had—everything he _could_ have had—for that brother of his.

Not that I don't understand. I do. I'd have done _anything_ to save my kid sister. But sometimes you just gotta admit when someone's a lost cause. Cut your losses. When they're so far gone over to the Darkside that there's nothin' you can do but put 'em down, save a few innocent lives in the process.

Or a few million innocent lives in Sam Winchester's case.

That's what I did. Put my sister down before she could hurt anybody else.

That's what Dean's dad told him to do to Sam.

That's what Dean _needs_ to do to Sam.

Dean Winchester could learn a thing or two from me. Uriel calls him a stupid mud monkey, but I can understand being blinded by love to the point of being an idiot about it. Misplaced faith. If I coulda save my little sis, don't you think I would have?

But a monster's a monster when all's said and done, and Sam Winchester's a monster. Or he will be. And that's why I'm here. Second his eyes go yellow? I sound the alarm and Uriel comes a-smitin'.

And it's gonna happen.

Sam Winchester's bad to the bone, and I'm just sitting here waiting to prove it.

Maybe Dean'll come to his senses before Sam takes half the world down with him. Most likely he won't. He'll never believe his baby bro's evil. Not even when he sees him standing on a pile of corpses with blood dripping from his fingers, ash raining from the sky and the whole fire and brimstone lightshow going on behind him.

I hope Dean makes it, I really do. He and I could still be friends.

If he survives his brother.

That's a big "if." Right now, I'm not putting my money on _anyone_ surviving Sam Winchester.

But up here, hope and faith, yeah, they're the big buzzwords. Gotta have hope. Gotta have faith. And I do. I hope Dean survives, although I have complete faith his brother's destined to turn the world to ash.

Until then? I sit here and wait. Gordon Walker: Vampire On A Mission From God.

**The End**

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**That's all folks! Thanks for reading!


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